Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize