Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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