I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
