Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize