But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
