he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
