the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
