so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My sheets look like a crime scene.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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