Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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