I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
