Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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