I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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