Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
