I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
