How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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