Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
