nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
why is half of my head shaved?
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