In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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