Screwed.edu
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
