so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
