Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nicole vs. Life
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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