is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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