just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
