You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can I color on your dick again?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
