Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
