Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
