I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
