i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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