i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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