consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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