I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Someone shattered a urinal.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
