and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
