I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
