I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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