sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
