you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
