Jerry, you need to find god
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
