question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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