Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
