im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
