I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize