everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
