Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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