and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
