if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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