Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
