You just made me feel so damn special
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
