i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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