I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
