Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
