your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
