take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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