but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
