Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
