You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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