If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
