I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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