Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
