piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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