if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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