i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
