Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
