Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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