Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
