his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
