dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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