I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
