I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
