The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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