my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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