I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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