omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
