Can i not drive my cunt home
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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