peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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