you have to choose: penises or morals?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No I am not eating basil off your cock
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
