This is not my ceiling
you would pick up someone in the library
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
