She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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