I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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