Whoa Z and x make the same sound
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
