i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
