He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
