quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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