i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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