who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
