I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
