It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
