im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
