I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
