your parents love me but you hate me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
