I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
