If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
